Sleeping With The Enemy
by kitten63
Summary: First fic so don't be too harsh on me! It's been over a year since the war and Hermione's having a hard time with her life. She meets Malfoy at the Leaky Cauldron one night and they enter into a desperate relationship to find themselves again.
1. Chapter 1

It had stop. This dangerous game that they were playing had gone on for far too long. This would be it,this would be the last time,she promised herself,but as she stared at the at the smooth skin of his bare back she knew that she was

lying to herself. Because she couldn't just let go, couldn't just break it off like it didn't mean anything to her,like _he _didn't mean anything to her.

It all started five months ago when she saw him at the Leaky Cauldron. She had recently completed her seventh year at Hogwarts and almost immediately began auror training. It had been about a month into her training when she had the

most awful day and going home to an empty flat wouldn't do her any good but neither would hanging out with Harry and the Weasleys at The Burrow. So that's how she ended up at the Leaky Cauldron,ended up with him. She was just

sitting there quietly drinking her firewhiskeywhen he came in. He ordered his drink and sat down on the stool next to me. " Granger" he nodded at me. "Malfoy." After a few minutes he spoke to me, "so are you here alone?" "Yes", I

answered. "Tough day?" "You could say so." "Care to talk about it?" "It was just a particularly difficult day of training today that's all." "Why do you care anyway?" "I don't", he said in a bored voice. For the first time during our

conversation I took a really good look at him. He was still pale,his hair was still as blond as ever but his grey eyes looked flat and empty. He looked different somehow, not physically but rather somethingin in his expresssion made him

seem older,aged beyond his years. That was true for all of us who lived through the war I suppose. War changes people,it changed me. I know he must look at me and see the same look in my eyes that I see in his. He was talking again

and I stopped my train of thought. "I don't care but I have nothing better to do and i'm curious." "Tell me,how have you been?"I debated with myself wether or not I should answer him. I could answer him and have someone to share my

feelings with or I could just go home and sink into a depressed state. In the end I decided to answer him. It would do me some good to talk to someone and let out all of my pent up feelings to. I had a feeling he would understand and

not try to talk to me about it or tell me I was going to be okay because in his own words he simply didn't "care".

I told him tha I felt lost and alone,that I didn't know what I was doing with myself. "Ever since the war ended I don't feel like myself anymore." "I don't thik any of us do" he replied. "I know but still,I mean I know that i'm alive and that i'm

living my life as best as I can but I don't feel any of it,it's like i'm just going throug the motions of everyday life and i'm waiting for someone or something to bring me back,to make me feel alive again,like I have something to look forward

to every day instead if just waiting for every day to come to an end." "This might surprise you but I feel the same way about my life." "You do?" I asked slightly surprised. "Yes." "What brought it on for you?" "You first."

Sorry for the cliffhanger and short capter but I promise the next chapter will be much longer.

Rewiew please!


	2. Chapter 2

A little review of where the last chapter ended. _"This might surprise you but I feel the same way about my life." " "You do?" I asked slightly surprised. "Yes" "What brought it on for you?" "You first."_

_"_Well,the war for starters and everything that happened during and after it." "It was just a really difficult and emotional time for all of us." "We wer fighting for our lives and the lives of the entire wizarding world." "Crazy stuff a three

teenagers,but we knew we had to do it so we just kept on going through it all until we got to the end,and the it was over, just like that." "I felt so happy and relieved that it was over and we had won." "It wasn't until a few days later

when all the loss of all those people sunk in because after the euphoria wore off we still had to come face to face with the reality that we lost Fred,Remus,Tonks and so many others." "Those were the hardest losses though because they

were the closest to us." "The Weasleys lost a son and brother and Teddy lost his parents." "It was really hard for the first few months because you would look across the table and see Fred's empty seat and the pain on everyone's

faces." "The grief just washed over you again and again." "Teddy's just a baby now but one day he's going to grow up and want to know about his parents.' "When we tell him that they were good people who died honourable deaths

that's not going to help ease the pain of it all because all he'll be able to think about is why this had to happen to him, why did he have to lose his parents before he even got a chance to know them." "There's going to be countles

famalies going through similat situations and I just feel so bad about all of it." "I ask myself why I got off so easy, i'm alive, my parentsare alive,Harry,Ron,Ginny,Luna,Neville,almost everyone who i'm clost to survived." "When I went and

got my parents from Australian and lifted the memory charm,the weren't even upset at me even though they had every right to be.' "I took matters into my own hands and decided their lives for them without even asking their opinion on

it." They told me I knew what I was doing and that it was the right thing to do at the time." "So just like that I was forgiven and everything was perfect right?" "I was a hero,my parents were wonderful about everything,I had great

friends and I was going to go back to Hogwarts,graduate andget some great job,make a differencee in the world and have a lovely relationship with Ron." "I was so very wrong because i'm not happy at all and I haven't been truly happy

in a really long time." He looked at me with a mixture of pity and surprise on his face. "Why aren't you happy?" "Because everywhere I look I see reminders of everythin we lost in the war.' "I see it in the absence of everyone we lost

, I saw it in Hogwarts when I went back,in the teacher's faces,in the castle itself, I see it in auror training because it reminds me so much of Tonks and Mad Eye but most of all i see it in myself,in my face,in my broken heart and in the weak

and hopeless person i've become."

I look at Harry and Ron and they're happy not fully healed but still in a better place than I am." "Harry has Ginny and I know that helps him,it helps both of them and it makes me feel good to see because he deserves happiness so much."

"Ron's a different story,he lost his brother and then I broke up with him three months later,our relationship ended before it even had a chance to go anywhere." "I couldn't lead him on you know,we always wanted different things in life

but I loved him and he loved me and we thought we could make it work." " I should have known that it would never work out though." "We were just too different andI had already started to lose myself and my feelings began to

change." "While I still loved him I wasn't _in_ love with him anymore,I don't think I ever was really. "It took the war to make me realise it." "Ron's a funny,happy person who does and says whatever he wants, he dosen't care much about

his education and he's quite tactless and impulsive but still a great person and any girl would be lucky to have him." "Just not me", I said with a wry smile. 'I couldn't brig him down with me,because war or no war i'm never going to be

this happy,fun loving person." "I'll always be worried about something,thinking about work or somethin else and that's not wat he needs in his life." "He's healing though and I see him spending alot of time with Luna lately and that's

good because he needs someone like her in his life." "So that's how i've been,waiting to come back to life."

That does it for this chapter. The next one will deal with Malfoy's feelings.


	3. Chapter 3

Review of where the last chapter ended. _"So that's how i've been,waiting to come back to life."_

"It sounds like you've really been going through a lot." "I have." "Have you talked to anyone about it besides me." "Not really,I don't want to worry anyone and they won't be able to help me anyway." "So I find that its best to not let it

show too much." "Can't you talk to someone else then,someone who's not your friend?" "Isn't that what i'm doing with you?", I said with a laugh. "I guess you are but I meant like a psychiatrist." "They can't help me." 'If you say so." "So

tell me about you ,what made you feel the way you do?" "What made me feel this way,let's see,basically it's the way I lived my life before the war ended." "I was a completely different person before." "My whole life, I was under my

father's thumb." "I did whatever he wanted me to and I acted the way he taught me to,the pureblood,Slytherin way." "I take full responsibility for my actions though because if I didn't want to be that way I probably could have found a

way out or I could have toned my behaviour a little. " "I didn't though,I took the easy way out." "Because I told myself what good would it do anger the man and make life difficult for myself." "So all I had to was be who he wanted me to

be and when the time came I would be rewarded with all the money,power and status I could want." "Then Voldemort came back and my life was turned upside down." "There were death eaters in and out of the Manor, holding meetings

and making plans." "Then I met him." " It was the scariest moment of my life up until then." "The way he looked at me with his cold unflinching gaze,his red eys blazing,his nostrils flared, it was a moment of sheer unadulterated terror for

me." "He spoke to me next, in that teribble, dangerous voice." "He told me I was to become a death eater like my father and serve him faithfully." "My first mission was to kill Dumbledore and find a way to leet the other death eaters into

the castle." "If I failed my family and I would be killed." "I knew it would be foolish to refuse because he would just kill us all right there." "So I accepted like he knew I would and the next day I was branded with the dark mark on my

arm,it was official I was a death eater." "All that happened two weeks before sixth year started." "So I had two weeks to dwell on all of it, what I was going to do once term started,how I was goig to carry out my plan." "I saw you guys

at Madam Malkins, do you remember? "Yes,you didn't want her to touch your arm." 'Couldn't have her seeing the dark mark now could I?" "No I suppose not." "Well,anyway I returned to Hogwarts and I felt big,untouchable." "I was

working for Voldemort." "Then things started to get messy,I couldn't fix the vanishing cabinet and all my attempts on Dumbledore's life failed." "To make things worse,Snape was trying to help but he wasn't supposed to and I din't want

him to anyway." "It was supposed to be me and he couldn't just swoop in and take credit for everything." "Time was running out and I was so scared that I was going to die." "That's when Potter found me crying in Moaning Myrtle's

cubicle." "I remember that." "Anayway I finally found a way to fix the cabinet and let the other death eaters into the castle." "Then it was just me and Dumbledore,he knew everything all along, he knew that I was trying to kill him." "He

told me that I wasn't a killer and that I was scared to finish him off." "He told me that he could help me,help my family." "All I had to do was change sides." "I refused." "Then some other death eaters came and they werer urging me to kill

him but my resolve was faltering." "I couldn't do it." "Then Snape came in and killed him." "I was so shocked,scared and confused about everything." "Then weall ran away."

"You can't imagine all the chaos that followed after that." "Dumbledore was dead,we were on top." "My family and I were going to live." "It was hard for me to be happy about that though because that night with Dumbledore,I saw first

hand what being a death eater is all about." "I didn't want to kill and torture innocent people." "It was too late now though,I was already in too deep and there was no end in sight." "From that moment on I seceretly hoped that Potter

would win and save us all." "That's why when you were captured and brought to the Manor I didn't want to give you away and then you were being tortured, I felt so bad but I couldn't do anything about it." "Then when we met during

the battle, I stopped Crabbe from getting at Potter,Weasley and you." "You know how that turned out,Crabbe died." "When we all thought thst Potter was dead I felt so defeated." "He wasn't dead though and when I saw him I felt so

relieved." "Then they started fighting and I heard Potter mention me and the elder wand and then Voldemort said he was going to deal wit me later but I didn't care about any of that,all I couldn think was do it Potter,just do it." "Then it

was over." "I never felt so relieved in my life,I felt this huge weight being lifted off me."

"My family and I were lucky, we got off and avoided Azkaban." "The damage had already been done to me though,the pain and scars were already too deep and there was no coming out of it." "I've come a long way sice then I regret

everything that I did to you,your friends and everyone else but I can't take them back so I've been trying to live my life in a good way and do good things,but my reputation is already ruined and I don't know how I can restore honour to

the Malfoy name." "You can,I'm sure people appreciate all the good things that you're doing." "It dosen't mean that they accept me and believe that I've changed,I see it in their faces when they look a me." "They look at me in digust and

sometimes even fear." "They just need time,the grief is still fresh in many people's minds and I'm sure once they get past it and see how much you've changed they'll forgive and accept you." "Do you honestly believe that?" "Yes I do

believe that and f it's any consolation _I_ forgive you and I truly believe that you've changed for the better." "Thank you,that means a lot coming from you." "I'm sure I deserve your forgiveness though,because I was really awfult to you at

school and I'm so very sorry for all the things I sad and did to you and yoyr friends." "I know you're sorry and you _do_ deserve my forgiveness and everyone else's for that matter." "People change and feel remorse for the things that they

did in the past and you're one of them." "I feel a lot better knowing that you feel that way but I still have a long way to go in terms of being happy and at peacewith myself." "I have an ok life,I've got money,a good job and my parents

are still here but that's it." "That's where the positives end." "Money and a good job can't make me happy ,I need people in my life to love and care about me and who I can love and care about in return." "All I've got is my mother when it

comes to that." "My own father probably dosen't even give a damn about me.' "I'm sure he cares about,he just doesn't show it." "I doubt it." "Okay,if you say so." "Well anyway I need a purpose in my life,something to make me feel good

and happy not this sullen and depressed person that I am now."

"I don't know what made me do it but on some impulse I reached out and took his hand and he let me take it." "Look,Malfoy I know i'm the last person who should be giving you advice on your life considering the state tha mine's in but I

know that you'll find you purpose,that you'll be happy again,just give it some time and you'll see everything will be alright." "I think I already have." "What?" "This mught sound crazy and feel free to reject it but when you took my hand I

swear I felt something change inside me,I felt happier somehow." "Now that you've mentioned it I think I felt something too,like my pan had lessened a little." "You know,come to think of it I've been feeling that way since we started

talking." "So have I,don't you think that it's telling us something?" "That my purpose is to help you get your life back and in doing so we can both get what we want." "I thnk it could work,I mean we already feel diffeent in such a short

amount of time and with just one touch of hands." "Imagine what we could do with unlimited time to talk and encourage each other,it would take time but we could make it work." "So we're doing this?" "Yes,yes we're doing it." "We

smiled at each other and y pain lessened a little more."

So that's how it went,he would come by my flat or I would go to his house and we would talk for hours about everything. We did this for a whole week. Then one night we were havng drinks at my flat and we were laughing about

something,we both leaned into each other at the the same time and just like that we were kissing. It felt so good,better than kissing Krum or Ron ever did. Before we knew it we were back in my bed having sex an d it was the most

amazing thing I've ever felt,I felt like every nerve in my body was alive and on fire. Looking at him I could tell he felt the same way. This was so different from being with Ron for those few times after the war. With Ron it was laced with

pain and guilt at being together like this while everyone's lives werer falling apart around us. With Malfoy it actually took away all of my pain for those few minutes. It was like I was somewhere else,someplace where everything was

perfect and right. It never lasted though,because as soon as we were finished we came back down to reality. It was the only sure way to get rid of our pain though so we agreed to keep doing it. It wasn't a relationship,we weren't in

love ,we were just two people helping each other out.

That's all for this chapter. The next one will be back in the present.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't quite know when my feelings towards him began to change. At first everything was the same way,we pretty much carried on in the same fashion almost everynight. The meetings were a great help to both of us, it was wonderful to talk to someone who

understood exactly what you were going through. Going to bed with him felt even better. Everyday I lived for those moments, I couldn't wait to be with him like that. It was still a constant struggle for both of us to make it through the day until we saw each other

at night. We still had to get up and live our lives and pretend everything was fine. Then things slowly started to get better. Everything didn't seem as bleak as before. I smiled and laughed more and it wasn't pretend. I could go out with my friends and genuinely

have a good time. I was so excited,I felt like I was slowly coming back. When I confined in him about it he reported similar feelings. We were both so estatic,things were turning around for us. We both knew the reason for the change inwas having each other in our

lives. We also knew that it was too soon to declare ourselves fully healed so we still kept helping one another out. About two weeks after that talk he told me that he had to go away for a week on business. I didn't think toomuch of it at first, sure it would be a

little sad and different to be away forom him for so long for the first time in months because we sort of became friends through it all. Plus it would be good practice for the future when we would need to stop seeing each other like that. Because we couldn't keep

it up forever.

So he came by on the night before he was set to leave,to say goodbye and he left the next morning. I didn't feel any different,he always left in the mornings. It was halfway during the day and I was still fine. Then the day was over and I went home. Normally

when I went home I would just hang around the place, have something to eat, read,play with Crookshanks and wait for him to come. Even though I knew he wasn't coming,I still wanted him to. I told myself that everything was going to be alright,your not that

dependent and it was only a week for godsakes! When i went to bed that night he wasn't there and I wanted him to be and it drove me crazy. I was on edge,I couldn't sleep and when I finally dozed off I even dreamt of him. When I woke up in the morning and I

didn't feel his arms around me and his face wasn't the first thing that I saw when I turned around I could barely stop myself from crying. I hated feeling this helpless and to think it was all because he wasn't here. What was wrong with me? How could I have

become so dependent on him? I calmed myself down a little by reminding myself that he would be back soon. The rest of the week went by in similar fashion,only the pain of being separated from him got _worse_ if that was even possible. By the time that he got

back I felt like a huge hole had been carved into my heart. When he came back and I saw him I jumped right into his into his arms and he held me tightly. The hole in my heart closed up immediately,it was like it was never there. In that moment I think I knew

that the pain I was feeling had nothing to do with me needing his help but it was about not having him in my life and the joy I felt at seeing him again wasn't relief that he would be helping me again,it was the feeling of pure happiness at seeing someone that

you _love _after what seemed like a long time. When he let me go and asked me if I was okay,I lied and told him that I just really missed him and things had gotten bad again while he was away because I didn't know how he felt about me yet. He said it was like

that for him too but he knew he would see me again and he tried to not let it bother him to much.

So here I am in bed watching him sleep,telling myself that I should leave him and end it but knowing that it isn't possible because I couldn't live without him,this week had proved it. I wondered if he felt the same way,it certainly looked that way from his reaction

to seeing me again but the only sure way of knowing wast to ask him and I decided I would. I would do it as soon as morning came,it was Sunday so there would be no work or training for us. We had the whole day to deal with our feelings and I would make

sure that we did. It's morning and we're having breakfast, he's looking at me questioningly. "Are you okay?" he asked. "Not really." I replied. "Why?" he asked. "Well this whole week I've been feeling different about us and last night I finally realised what it was."

"What was it?" "Hear me out okay." "Okay." he said. I took a deep breath. "I think I'm in love with you, no I _know_ I'm in love with you." He looks nervous. "It's okay you don't have to feel the same way I just wanted you to know that's all." "It's not that." he

said. My heart just sped up like crazy,did he mean what I thought he meant? "Then what is it?" "It's just that I can't believe that you actually love me." "Well I do." I said. "What about you do _you_ love me?" "Yes,yes I do,more than anything actually." he said.

I couldn't believe waht I was hearing,he loved me! I was crying now. He got up and wrapped his arms around me. "You really love me?" I asked. "Of course I do but you know we can't be together right?" My head was spinning,what did he mean we couldn't be

together. "What are you talkng about I asked?" in a shaky voice. "I mean that as much we love each other society would never accept us." "Society,what society,who cares what they think anyway." I replied. "What about your friends and my father,do you

think they would accept us?" "They have to." I said. "No they don't." he replied. "Well it dosen't matter,all I want is you." "Look,I don't really care what my father thinks but I don't want to put you in danger because of him and I don't want you to lose your friends

either." "What danger,he would never risk going to azkaban and I can take care of mysef." "Say you're right but what about your friends?" "At first they would be skeptical yes but when they see how happy you make me they'll come around,you'll see." "They

just want me to be happy." "Just say though that nobody accepts us, what does it matter?" "Haven't I lived my whole life trying to do what's right and make everyone else happy?,and you,hasn't your father run your life for too long now?" "Don't you want to live

your life for yourself?" "I know I do." I said. "You know what,you're right." "I love you and I want to be with you and no one is going to stop me." he said. "That's what I like to hear and don't worry they'll come around all of them." "Yeah I'm sure you're right."

We smiled at and kissed each other. This was the happiest moment of my life,standing there with him and I knew from that moment on their would be no more pain for me,for us. "Race you to the bedroom!" I said with a laugh.

Well that's it,my first story! Ihope you guys enjoyed it and thanks for the reviews,they meant a lot to me. Even if it was only two. lol.


End file.
